C'mon feel the noise

TNT

Word choice

Here are the bad words:

1. Cool
2. Favorite
3. Special

Here are the good words:

1. Radical
2. Idol
3. Important

Sentence length variety

1. I said thanks.
2. Even as a little kid I loved the padres.
3. When I was in kindergarden, my dad picked me up at my school and took me out early.
4. He said giving me the other one.
5. I have never been so exited.

Hot spot

I was finaly able to meet my favorite player ,Ryan Klesko #30. I have never been more exited. He stood only 2 feet away from me. I looked up he looked a lot taller than on tv. I slowly extended my hand and asked him to sign my ball. He singed my ball and asked if I wanted his batting gloves and e gave me one. I said thanks. "You have two hands right so why don't you have two bating gloves?" He said giving me the other one.

Rough Draft #2

Do you like the Padres? Even as a child I've loved the padres. It was my favorite thing to watch at night.

When I was in kindergarten, my dad showed up at my school and took me out early. "I have a big surprise for you, we are going to meet the padres." He said with a grin. At first I did not believe him. But he had my Padre jersey in the car and told me our family friend Diane arranged the special event for us. This is going to be so cool.

When we got to Qualcom, we were led to the field for a meet and greet. Some other people were there too. I was so exited to be on the field I asked if go to the game but he said no dragging me away.

The best part of all was to have my picture taken with my favorite players: Sean Burroughs, Bubba Tramell, Bruce Boachy, and Mark kotsay.

I was finally able to meet my favorite player ,Ryan Klesko #30. I have never been more exited. He stood only 2 feet away from me. I looked up he looked a lot taller than on tv. I slowly extended my hand and asked him to sign my ball. He singed my ball and asked if I wanted his batting gloves and he gave me one. I said thanks. "You have two hands right so why don't you have two bating gloves?" He said giving me the other one. When he gave me those gloves I thought I was going to pass out. THen he walked over to the batting cages. "Wow I wish I could hit like that."

It was one of the most special days of my life. My grandpa made a poster for me using all the pictures taken that day that hangs in my room reminding me of that special day.

Interior monologue

Here are 3 different monologues: 

1. This is going to be so cool.
2. I hope we don't get lost on the way out.
3. Wow, these gloves are huge! I can't wear these.

Dialog and gesture

"I have a huge surprise to show you" said my dad driving like there is no tomorrow.

"Hey little boy would you like to have my batting gloves" I said yes nodding my head. He walked back to get his gloves. Then he gave me 1 "you have 2 hands so why don't you have 2 gloves" I took the gloves.

"Hey dad, can you and me stay here and watch the game" I begged trying to persuade him.

Different leads

Here are 3 different leads:

1. Do you like the Padres?
2. Did you know that the Padres went to the world series in 1996?
3. Whoa, there they are. This is amazing.

Flashback

Here are the events in order:

 

1. My dad picked me up at school.
2. We got to Qualcom.
3. We went on and off the field.
4. We got all their autographs. 
5. We also got Ryan Klesko's batting gloves.
6. My grandpa made me a poster with photos of me with all the Padre players.

I have decided to begin my memoir with #6.

Rough draft #1

Even as a little kid I've liked the Padres. It was my faveorite thing watching the padre games every night.

One Day, when I was in kindergarten, my dad showed up at school and took me out early. He said we were going to Qualcom Staidum to meet the Padres! At first I did not belive him. But he had my Padre jersy in the car and told me our family friend Diane had arranged the speical event for my dad and I.

When we got to Qualcom, we were led to the feild for a meet and greet. Some other people were there too. I was so exited to be on the feild and get to go into the dougout.

The best part of all was to have my picture taken with my favorite players: Ryan Klesko, Bubba Tramel, Mark kotsay, and Bruce Boachy. Also Ryan Klesko gave me his batting gloves.

It was one of the most special moments in my life. My Grandpa made a poster for me using all the pictures taken that day that hangs in my room reminding me of that very speical day.